you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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