i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
