btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
