Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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