you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
