just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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