i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
