Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
