I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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