Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
