erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
