woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize