Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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