what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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