Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
