its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
