So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sext me about skeletons
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
