I queefed so loud it echoed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
