my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
