Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
