Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love you. Go after that dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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