Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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