So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
