I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
