I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
