So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
