I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
