what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Farmville is her only friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
