Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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