ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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