Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
