i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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