i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
