We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize