So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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