I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
