I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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