yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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