Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize