i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
