how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize