I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
