Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
