I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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