So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
