Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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