They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
