For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
