I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
