i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
