At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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