You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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