You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
