Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
