This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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