shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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