I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
