handjob tips. give me some.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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