Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
