Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
