Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drake has all the answers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
