Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
