I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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