I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
