I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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