when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
