So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
