Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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