rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize