My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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