and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize