I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
