He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
