saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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