I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
