Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
