they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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