how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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