Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
