Only a mothe r could love this liver
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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