She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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