guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
