just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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