Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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