Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
